Follow by Email

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


And It Didn’t Stop

It was a rainy Monday morning and there I was sitting in the clinic…there I was thoughts in hand along with balled up tissues filled with dried up mucus sponged with damp tears, there I was thoughts of you, hopelessly wanting you to burst through those corridors and rescue me. Silly me to think of you as my hero, to think of you as my savior, although I swam in the lake of hatred for you, I often wanted to dry myself off in the wake of you knowing I am alive still in the quilt of your worry. Constant distant chatter I tend to shun as I would bums on trains exclaiming there melancholic tunes I dare not beat my feet to. Patiently waiting, my stomach feeling rubbish from anticipation. I would love to know your heart… My mind goes into a moon shine, where our moments of hot passion would be laughed upon, “it was all too soon to know what love was in a matter of minutes, but as the seconds drew me a vivid picture of our distant future, I saw you there…I saw us there.  (A)nd (I)t (D)idn’t (S)top there, you see TONY had my heart, he had my spirit, but all I seem to have for TONY was a good time and his clothes were back on before I could even turn my shower nob from the freezing cold water…TONY was my best kept secret…TONY knew how to please me, and dismiss me at the same time…without blame I was left to shame TONY. With every thrust…I felt TONY, I felt you TONY…I LOVED YOU…I…LOVE…YOU tony. The pleasure…the immense pleasure I felt you…you inside me TONY…(A)nd(I)t(D)idn’t (S)top…”now there” you said, as you wiped the tears from my trembling cheek, you whisper ever so cavalier in my ear, it’s safe…it’s safe…the first time is always the worst time, the second reckons to be the best time…I cried for TONY that night…tears were not the only thing that was shed, the liquid roses spilled throughout the bed and left stains of passion I wish now I could wash away permanently…”Jermaine Crowell the doctor will see you now…” my heart sinks into my already knotted stomach…I sit nervous, thinking of no one but TONY... thinking of TONY’s smile, his musk of labor, his teeth down to his speech…I can’t hear the pantomime of words coming from the doctors mouth except I’m sorry Mr. Crowell you TESTED Positive for HIV…and all I could think about was TONY…(A)nd (I)t (D)idn’t (S)top…


Atheist Breakfast

Religion is what you give…belief is what I search for…and that is what I have yet to find…truth is what I want…lies is what I have rested with….peace is at my door step…BUT THE KEY IS PATIENCE! The irony that you beg for in your savior, yet you favor the easy way out of pain…remember the blasphemy in asking GOD for favors while you labor in sin…search within your soul my child and you will find…it. You forgot all that was told…yet you remember all that was forgotten by me. You think without knowing…and proclaim you know everything there is to know...about nothing! Seek guidance in your most trivial moment of confusion…allow stubbornness to show its face…speak in the grace of the one you call holy and find me instead, rest in the bed of your sin, French kiss the taboo leaving the sweetest scent of regret on those lustful sheets. I have yet to believe in anything worth my regurgitation…I pray often…only for it to be replayed for the deaf. But I chuckle at your savior…as you would mine…

Monday, August 20, 2012


  The time where we shared the same pillows, to where we had the same idea of the different lives we lead. I rest my head on those sentiments my darling. Coming home never felt so wonderful and plentiful, the eventful sound of your keys, how childlike I feel in anticipation, I am counting the minutes, hours, seconds…I’m waiting in anticipation…I only long for moments like these where I realize what I have been searching, hoping for has my heart at a rapid palpitation. I am in anticipation, I pray to have moments like these daily, barely can I breathe when I am holding every breath for you…I am in anticipation… your haunting greeting, bathes my muddy soul…I am anticipating you in every way I can.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


I watched the world from a fourth floor back room project window...where roaches were distant cousins that lived under the kitchen sink, I grew from a fetus that came from the Scrotum of a man who believed in the civil rights movement, I replenished my thirst from the bosom of a woman who taught me to fear no man but God. But through those Hollow fragmented project walls, I heard all the dreams and becoming’s of nightmares, I felt all the pain endured, never to be cured by anything or anyone! I evolved from a place where two people made a two bedroom apartment a home for a family of 10. I am forever and will forever be in depth to the amount of wealth in love I received from these two people, I often caught the wrath of tough labor days, I went through the many dilemmas of a misunderstood adolescent living in the present household of old school habits. But through trial and error I succeed, and seceded from the nest you knew I would return to…for that…I thank you!
Love you MommaPoppa